i feel ashamed when i tell a friend i haven't texted them because "i'm busy” or “i'm bad at texting”. both are real reasons that they have also hit me with. i accept their responses with “it's ok!", but i can't accept mine. why am i so ashamed to not text, even when i don't want to?

i romanticize the times when letters and the periodical phone call were the only ways to reach out to loved ones. even email and pagers sound amazing compared to the responsibility of a text tucked into your pocket, waiting for your attention. i can't see how our friendship grows over 10 texts instead of an hour conversation. maybe i'm not being fair to the relationships i *have* built with some texts, but i feel much more love between us when we share a blanket on the grass or a sweet bread downtown.

i have considered setting a text-time for the week. maybe thursdays at 4PM. the designated time world function as the time I could've gone to the post office or set my carrier pigeon some food before her long trip. (how the hell did those pigeons know where to go?). the real trouble comes when someone responds immediately after. aah! now we gotta go back and forth. sometimes i enjoy it. i love anything that allows me to tap into my favorite people, but what are they actually feeling? what complexities fill their lives or empty them? i understand i can text these wonders, but i don't have to explain to you why it's not the same.

as said best by joel in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind:

“constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating“.